As 2025 closes and a new year begins, I am – finally, hallelujah! – writing the last chapter of my epic historical fiction Netsuke novel/trilogy. After a year filled with challenges, blessings and slow-but-sure transformations, I look forward to 2026.
Since losing both my dad and my husband in 2024, my biggest challenge has been adapting, gradually, to a new life and pace on my own. While I would give anything to hear Roland’s voice and have him near me again – even sitting on the sofa with him and watching his silly parrot videos endlessly! – the spectre of his now-empty chair no longer overwhelms me with heart-wrenching sobs as they once did, but now feels more like a sign of his presence just being quietly with me as I go about my day.
To help myself focus make a positive transition, I made a collage of our happy travel memories and hung it in his room and put a framed photo of us in a restaurant on the dining table, reminding me of happier times and so it feels like he is with me when I sit down to eat. And when I go out, I secretly raise a glass to him, knowing how much he always enjoyed live music and watching me dance. Small gestures like these have helped ease and release the feelings of grief and loss into something more… well, if not fully acceptable, certainly more bearable… liveable, even. As the analogy goes, the central egg yolk of grief stays with you, but the egg-white of life spreads on and outward.
That is not to say I have not had bad days or felt deeply lonely at times, especially when the more painful realities of coping on my own – as per the situations I describe below – have felt existentially threatening. While some of the these have prompted me to make my first tentative forays into the surreal world of online dating (more on this in the next blog), I am also beginning to feel surprisingly content, even when forced to be home on my own as I have been for the past few months.
I say ‘surprising’, as while this is difficult for a fun-loving extrovert like me, I have also begun to realise I am far happier simply keeping in tune with my body’s own rhythms and need for rest instead of frenetically running around as I usually do, trying to pack so many things into a day, or marching to another’s rhythm. And although I am keeping quite busy meeting up with friends and family, continuing with my art, writing, church and local community commitments, and working steadily away on my novel, I am also learning to say no, to listen to my body, to feel comfortable giving in when I need to rest, and taking life slower in general. Accepting solitude, even learning to embrace and enjoy it, certainly does make life easier, even if it might not be what you would have chosen! At least it is a far less-scary prospect to me than it was when I was first widowed or warned by God that I would be.
I suppose more than anything this signifies a gradual acceptance or maturity, or perhaps both. Solitude is certainly more suited to serious writing than endlessly gadding about, although I do know I would struggle to be continually productive if it weren’t for my fellow London Writers’ Salon (LWS) community and other writing colleagues. We do all need accountability, and I do miss someone to talk to about my daily ups and downs – though I am grateful for friends and family near and far who check in on me regularly!
Dance, etc travel highlights
Although I travelled quite a lot in 2024 – La Palma, Japan, the US, Ireland, the US again, some of which (the two trips to visit my mum in Charleston, South Carolina) – I had not attended a single European salsa festival the whole year. So, I decided I would focus on these in 2025 as I felt I deserved a bit of fun, and instead of taking long-haul flights, to prioritise travelling by train as much as possible – generally easier for short-haul European trips. While I did manage to do some train travel in Europe, unfortunately I had to cancel my planned Eurostar journey to Paris and then on to Barcelona via TSF as I had to renew my UK passport and had some last-minute hiccups that meant I was obliged to get a new US emergency passport so the names matched.
January was a great way to ‘start as you mean to go on’ at one of my favourite salsa festivals: the Magic Slovenian Salsa Festival (MSSF) in Ljubljana. The dancers are great, and the general atmosphere is so joyous it really helps break the post-festive January bleakness. I saw many dear friends and made new ones, also went with a salsa group led by the inimitable Angie Salsera to the Postonja Cave Park, an incredible crystal cave where you can also see tiny pink ‘dragons’ (olm). I had also had many brilliant, smooth and inspiring dances, and am already looking forward to MSSF 2026 in a couple of weeks. This time, I am planning to visit the scenic Lake Bled – just hoping it will not be too cold!
I next went to the inaugural Amsterdam Salsa Weekend in March, which I travelled to via Eurostar, with the plan of extending my trip to do some useful novel research by visiting relevant VOC (Vereenigde Oostindische Compagnie) sites in Amsterdam and Den Haag, including a trip to the Nationaal Archief headquarters and a wonderful visit with my dear friend Melanie exploring other cities (Utrecht, Scheveningin, Nordwijk, Delft), which I described in depth in a previous post. Although my main purpose was novel research – including going onboard a replica Dutch East Indiaman at Het Scheepvarthuis Museum (2025 was certainly a year for visiting ships!), visiting the VOC and other relevant sites in Amsterdam and the archives, etc – I also had a lot of fun dancing at the festival and Winkel von Sinkel in Utrecht and with friends old and new in Amsterdam.
In May, I finally completed my original bucket list (made just before my 45th birthday) by travelling with Great Rail Journeys (GRJ) to visit three Scandinavian capitals, Oslo, Stockholm and Copenhagen. While not all of it was actually a rail journey – we had to fly first to Oslo and then back via Copenhagen, and did some of the journey through Sweden by coach – and was more of a whistle-stop tour, particularly of Oslo and Copenhagen (only two days each), at least the three sunny days in Stockholm with extra free time did give me a true flavour of that capital plus an opportunity to do some dances classes with my salsa/tango friends Leo and Johanna. My fellow LWS writer/editor friend Kat Trigarsky took me around Stockholm to visit some of her favourite places in and near the trendy Södermalm area, and the tour boat trip provided a fabulous view of Stockholm’s multiple islands.
ice cream
Although I had planned to go to the Vivaz Salsa Festival in Sofia, Bulgaria in July, this weekend took place on the anniversary of my husband’s death, so I cancelled as it did not feel appropriate. Instead, I focused on preparing a memorial celebration for Roland in August with a few close friends and family to mark the completion and installation of his (and my) hand-carved wooden plaque at the Chilterns Green Acres Memorial centre.
Next up was the crazy, full-on Barcelona Salsa Rave 2025 festival at Santa Susanna, Spain (at a beach-side resort some distance from Barcelona), in mid-September, for which I had won a free pass at the 2024 Funky Mambo New Year’s Eve party . It was a fabulous, last-blast-of-summer party (not least for my eardrums when trying to sleep with DJs cranking up the volume as the drinking and partying accelerated), and a great time hanging out with salsa friends from London and abroad. I shared quite a few champagne breakfasts at the venue hotel with new and old friends, and also travelled post-festival with my new Austrian-Italian friend Petra to the mountain monastery of Montserrat via GetYourGuide who also kindly offered me the opportunity to stay in her rented yacht in Barceloneta – a very unique, fun experience I would gladly repeat!
Then I went to the Back2Mambo salsa event in Prague in mid-October, hosted by The Dance House. I had heard so many rave reviews of their parties in exquisite venues and had given up on attending the ever-popular spring Prague Salsa Marathon, so reckoned B2M would be my best bet for Prague. Alas, just before I went, I developed a severe flare-up of plantar fasciitis by wearing the wrong shoes for tango in Covent Garden with Pablo of Tango Space, then walking the long distance from Liverpool Street to Tony Crossbody’s ever-groovy ‘Salsa Mondays’ night at the Barrio in Shoreditch. While that did put a dent in my dancing, after doing foot stretches and icing vigilantly, I finally managed to dance for several hours pain-free. I also had fun meeting salsa friends for dinner, and really enjoyed doing a relaxing river cruise along the Vtlava River on a sunny day – a perfect way to see the city without too much foot stress!
Unexpected challenges
Since my trip to Prague, I have either been ill or faced various emergencies that have been quite challenging, particularly as I’ve been on my own when they happened. Whereas before, my husband would have always been there to help and/or rescue me, So I’ve had to ‘man up’ and learn how to deal with these problems myself. While my single female friends have gently pointed out that they have been dealing with these issues by themselves for years, it has still been quite a shock after nearly 30 years of marriage to have to learn how to manage on my own!
For example, although I have become used to using taxis and coaches to get myself to and from the airport without Roland driving me there or collecting me, the delayed EasyJet return flight from Prague to Gatwick meant I’d missed my pre-booked coach home and had to wait in the cold and wet for several hours for the next coach first and then for an Uber, consequently developing a bad cold that lasted for nearly a month. At first, I felt miserable not being able to go out except for occasional trips to the shops for groceries and with only my cat for company, but I had no option but to wait until I was better and no longer contagious. (Being that the past few months have been a less-than-social time, I’ve added some other 2025 highlights with friends in London/elsewhere.)
Next, I began having serious car problems. My heretofore reliable, second-hand Nissan Micra had been making a very strange noise and I no longer felt safe driving into London. I soon discovered very quickly how much a woman on her own appears like gold dust to mechanics! I had a battle with Kwik-Fit for a refund after they charged me an arm and a leg for fitting new tyres and doing other works that did not actually fix the problem, claiming (after the fact) that they don’t handle engine issues, which it clearly was. Fortunately, I eventually found reliable local mechanics who did the work required on the engine; they were still expensive, but at least the horrible sound was gone.
However, the very first time I braved driving to London to dance at Funky Mambo, the car again began making a strange noise. Furious after shelling out nearly a thousand pounds to get it fixed, I realised on arrival that the sound was caused by a flat tyre – despite these being brand-new tyres. Having no spare, however, meant I had to phone AA. Although my friend Amar offered to wait with me until the AA man arrived, I discovered AA do not carry spare tyres. Instead of Roland driving down to London and sort me out, I had to sit in my car and wait the full five hours it took for the towing van to arrive and my car to get loaded into it to take us both back to High Wycombe, by which time I was freezing (and the cold I had finally got over returned with a vengeance). I then had to find a local tyre-fitter to sort out a new tyre the next day. Although I felt vulnerable, I survived – but now I do carry a spare tyre with the kit to fix it. I just wish I hadn’t been so stubbornly resistant when my dear Dad tried to teach me about cars!
The last major disaster after this and the second bad cold of the season in end-November/early December was a serious accident at home that has left me with 22 stitches on the right side of my face and several sprained ligaments in my left foot. Stupidly walking back into my house while texting a reply to one of my many online admirers, I tripped over something – I still have no idea what – and went flying face-first into the kitchen door handle. Shaken and nauseous, I managed to peel my body off the floor, use paper towels to stem the bleeding and phone 999. I am grateful for the expert stitching I received at Wexham Hospital from a former plastic surgeon’s assistant, also that it was only the side of my face that was affected, not my eye, ear, nose or cheekbone! Henceforth I will take my fellow writers’ advice and claim my Zorro-like scar was acquired while researching swordplay for my historical fiction novel – certainly sounds sexier than a painful warning one should never walk and text!
The upshot of all these rather painful lessons is I do believe I am at last be getting the message from God/the universe to slow down, take it easier, become more mindful, stop multitasking endlessly and do just one thing at a time. When I told my stepdaughter Tania this after she kindly came to collect me from the hospital, she burst out laughing, saying she could clearly hear Roland’s voice exclaiming ‘Finally!’ (Thank you, honey!)
The End is Nigh! + 2026 resolutions
As of now, just after dancing and celebrating the New Year, I am pleased to report that after nearly five years on-and-off (2024 being mostly a write-off), I am finally reaching the end of my epic historical fiction novel-in-progress (tentatively entitled The Netsuke, though this may change).
At present, I am writing the concluding chapter to Part 3, focusing on tying up the loose plot ends of this part of the novel. After this, I plan to print it all out, read it through, and begin the revision/redrafting process after a bit of a break. I hope giving it a rest will help me in deciding whether and how I should split it into three or more books – at nearly 270,000 words, it is certainly too long for just one novel! I will likely also need to revisit all my copious research notes on the VOC etc, and perhaps get some specialist Dutch and Japanese fact- and cultural sensitivity checks done on it.
When I am ready, I will then start editing and restructuring the novel – with an especial focus on the point of view (POV) of each part, perhaps giving more voice/character arc to another principal Japanese character – to the best of my own developmental editing (DE) capability, and perhaps if/when I hit a wall after feedback from other beta readers, working with a book coach or other DE. That will at least be one level of edit before I then copy-edit, proofread and do a final fact-check of it, which may or may not also require specialist Japanese and Dutch input. As per Matt Bell’s excellent book on editing, Refuse to Be Done, I will simply carry on until it is well and truly DONE.
After that – or even during it – I can then begin researching my next historical fiction novel; this one will be based on a real historical person, a female who fascinates me. I am also revisiting the Narnia novella I wrote for my degree, as I think some publishers might be interested in it – we’ll see.
People who are not writers often fail to realise that writing a book is not a simple one-off process, as in you finish writing it and then bam! you publish it; in fact, the ‘normal’ or minimal number of revisions/drafts is at least three. I have already revised and shortened part one, originally completed in 2021, and spent most of 2023 revising and rewriting the 2022-completed part 2 in 2023, changing the POV from the dual perspective of both my Dutch male protagonist (Joost van Alkmaar [btw Joost rhymes with ‘toast’]) and his Japanese love interest (Suki) to being only in his POV following feedback from some of my beta readers (I may make her story a separate, stand-alone novel, unless I find a better way to work it into the present story).
I also introduced a new antagonist (a tricky Chinese pirate character modelled in part on the famous Zheng Zhilong) and changed the plot focus after realising the significance of the Shimabara Rebellion in the revised part 2, which led to the more exciting, dramatic plot twists in Part 3, which I began writing the first draft of in February/March 2025.
Along with these, my immediate 2026 goals are to tackle several major house-decluttering tasks I have been putting off while focusing on the novel; I am sure doing these will help clear my mind as well as my environment for the next revision/redrafting stage. I also plan to resume gym classes, focus more on painting, perhaps attempt some novel illustrations. And I plan on meeting in person some of the online admirers I’ve been chatting to for a while – I will write about this as discovering the ins and outs of online dating has been quite eye-opening!
As for salsa festivals this year: apart from MSSF, I have not yet booked anything, as will have to see how I go – however, I am interested in a few festivals I was tempted to go to last year, eg the Bergen Mambo Weekend (another cold one!) and perhaps the Mambo Marathonias in Crete, we’ll see. I still have a Eurostar ticket to Paris and a discount for another GRJ trip, so may plan one of those in the Amalfi Coast.
I also plan to visit my mum in Charleston, US in the spring; I hope travelling with Aer Lingus via Ireland will help circumvent any hassles about entering the US (yes, even as a US citizen, I do find this scary!), as well as giving me an opportunity to reconnect with Christian and fellow writer friends in Dublin and elsewhere in Ireland. God knows the current state of the US is deplorable; I can only add to entire world’s fervent prayers and New Year’s Eve wishes that the nightmare-in-charge and his cronies will finally be over – I am sure I am not alone in making that my main prayer for the year ahead!
Small Writer at Large 